Hope
by yuukikuran13
Summary: Obi wan starts hating life with his master. Will Qui gon stop mopping around long enough to help his padawan. rated m for violence, possible torture, and death.
1. Hope dies

It is for Obi wan to think about his life without feelings of hate for himself, terror for what's to come, and depression for himself. His Master had not been what he had hoped. In the Five months that he had known his Master he had not once felt needed or loved. Though he should not feel the need to be because he was a Jedi Padawan and they do not crave love or to be needed by anyone. He wished the feeling of hopelessness would fade in time but it felt unlikely.

They were on their way to a new mission on Respia which Obi wan had never heard of. Obi wan wanted to ask Master Qui gon some questions but was told to meditate instead. Why was his Mater so intimidating? Obi wan sat in the middle of his shared corridors with his Master and started to meditate, or at least try to. The force was evading him, every time he had it in his grasp it soon feel away unwanted.

"Well there goes that plan." Obi wan sighed depressed.

Qui gon sat in the pilot's seat watching controls blindly. All he could think about was if he had made a mistake in taking the boy. Obi wan was smart and brave but too much like Xanatos, Xanatos who had destroyed his trust, who had broken his heart in to shards. How could he ever trust anyone again? He, to be honest, didn't trust the boy that was only three meters away from him. He truly didn't mean not to for he had nothing against the boy but he didn't trust him none the less. For the thousandth time that day he had doubts about himself and the boy.


	2. Hope revived

_I know it's a short chapter but I hope you like it._

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><p>Obi wan refused to let the tears fall. He was a Jedi and they do not cry needlessly. He didn't mean to listen in on his Master's thoughts he just did. Obi wan closed his eyes against his will a single tear fell, then more. Fury at his self control overcame him and he force jumped off the bed in rage, throwing his light saber of the wall of the cabin.<p>

Obi wan froze in fear, what was he doing? How could he let his self control slip even more? Obi wan quickly checked the bond to make sure Qui gon was not aware of the outburst. What the hell was he doing?

In the living room Qui gon Jinn had not a clue to what his padawan was doing let alone thinking. He was sitting in his favorite chair, the one that felt so good after saber practice, reading a holo mystery show about a couple that was murdered on Lego by 'Angels'. So far it was pretty good so he was too into the show to have noticed his Padawan's destress.

Qui gon thought about making dinner tonight but then thought it was a better idea to get Obi wan to do it. Qui wasn't that good at cooking truthfully.

"Obi wan come here." Qui gon shouted.

'Oh no what am I going to do?' Obi wan felt completely guilty and sick at the same time. 'Master will most likely think thatI'm not worthy, which I'm not, to be his Padawan anymore and through me out of the order.'

"Padawan?" His Master called again bringing Obi wan out of his damnable thoughts. 'This is it.'

Obi wan slowly walked out into the hall, his legs on auto getting him to where he needed to go. As he got closer to Qui gon he felt his heart race faster and sweat start to fall off his nose.

"Yes master?" Obi wan's voice cracked but Qui gon was so into the holo that he didn't notice.

"Could you make dinner? I'm in the middle of a show and-

"Yes master!" Obi wan said in a hurry and force ran to the safety of the kitchen. 'He doesn't know!' Obi wan's heart soared and adraniline still beat in his vains. His master didn't know about his failure.

As the oblivious Master watched his holo Obi wan cooked in relief. Obi wan made sure to make all of his Master's favorites just to start to make up for his failing. Though in Obi wan's heart he felt he could never be forgiven.


	3. Hope destoryed

"Master dinners ready." The Padawan called out into the living area a little more cheery. Obi wan felt somewhat better after making, what he hoped to be, a good meal.

Qui gon came in and sat at the table right across from Obi wan. Obi wan felt his breath caught in his chest as his Master took a bite of the lobster. Obi wan's hope rose as his Master took more bites of the food. 'I made something that he likes!' Obi wan couldn't be happier, the little voices in the back of his mind that told him that he his worthless were silenced for once, they couldn't even bring him down.

Obi wan finished his food excitedly. While Qui gon still ate he decided to start on the dishes even though it was his Master's turn to do them. As he hummed a tone, washing a plate, his Master walked into the living room and turned his mystery holo back on. When Obi wan was done he decided to ask his Master if he wanted to meditate then have dessert but when he came into the dinning area his face fell.

'I guess he didn't like it that much." Obi wan felt crushed as he picked up the half eaten plate and disposed the food in the waste duck. 'I really am worthless…Useless…'

Obiwan's mind voices started to get louder and so did the pain in his heart. Why wasn't he good enough? When would he be?

Qui gon watched his holo show while thinking about Obi wan. The kid had somehow known all of his fav. Foods which even his former padawan didn't even know. A warm feeling came to Qui gon and he violently crushed it down where it belonged. He would not care again, for no one. Even though he wanted to eat more of Obi wan's cooking he had sadly had a late lunch with Tahl only an hour ago, so he only ate half.

After the holo was over he went to check on his Padawan. Obi wan was sitting in a mediation pose in the middle of his room. Qui gon, for a moment thought that this was one of the most- no he would not, **could not**, become attached to the boy. He was his teacher and that was all there was to it.

Obi wan felt his Master come to his room and quickly got into a mediating pose in the middle of the room. At first he thought he felt pride coming form Qui gon and felt his heart race with hope and longing but soon felt the anger in his master. It took everything Obi wan had not to flinch at the hatred radiating off his Master, he wanted to scream, to cry. After what felt like an eternity Qui gon left the room and Obi wan was finally alone. He couldn't hold himself back anymore and he cried openly.

His Master really hated him. What was he going to do? 'End it', a dark voice whispered in his ear. No how could he end this pain? How could he? 'End it', the voice seduced the poor lad and he finally understood the words, but could he do it?

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><p>Will obi wan commite suicide? Keep reading to find out!<p> 


	4. Hope consumed

The next day Qui gon got up to find that his Padawan had already left for class. 'That boy is a good student.' Qui gon thought pleased that Obi wan was making great progress. 'In no time the boy will be a knight.' Sudden sadness ceased his heart at that thought and he shook it off. Why should he be bothered with Obi wan becoming a knight? He was not attached to the boy so he _shouldn't_ feel sad because of it.

The Master walked to the gardens to mediate when he ran into his favorite Jedi, Tahl.

"Qui gon how's Obi wan?" Tahl asked not smiling, which made Qui think he might have upset the blind Jedi.

"He's fine and in class, why?" Qui gon sat on a bench with Tahl beside him.

"It just seemed that the _poor boy_ was a bit odd this week." Tahl stated matter of factly.

"I'll ask him when he gets home this afternoon." Qui gon muttered and took Tahl's hand. "What have I done wrong this time?"

"You have done nothing _to me_." Tahl sighed.

"Ok then I will see you at lunch." Qui gon said and walked to his usual mediating spot. 'Wonder what Tahl was upset about?'

The ginger haired boy ran off to his classes hoping to not be seen by his Master. Thankfully Qui gon was still asleep. Obi wan felt a little ashamed that he felt that he had to hide from his mentor but he couldn't help it. As he walked to his first class that he knew he would be very early for he ran into Bant. Bant was one of his best friends though she wasn't Human, this didn't bother him like most, and he liked the difference. He told Bant everything, well _almost everything._ He couldn't bear to tell his dear friend that his perfect seeming relationship with his Master was a fake that he hated it and his Master hated him.

"Hi obi, you're up early." Bant said in greeting.

"Well, I wanted to get an early start today." Obi wan blushed a little. "Why are you up?" Obi wan added trying to distract his friend.

"I'm always up at this time for a morning dip in the lake." Bant sighed happily. Bant loved water and was a fantastic swimmer.

"Nice well I have to go." Obi lied and turned down a different hallway that was not toward his class.

'Well that could have gone better.' He thought as he walked the deserted hall. 'I hope I don't have to run into any of my other friends.' He wished in vein because Garen another one of his close friends patted him on the shoulder.

"Hay," Garen smiled.

"Hay,"

"Where you going, I thought your class was in the west wing?" Garen asked confused.

"It is…I…Just wanted to take a walk around since I have the time." He looked away from Garen hoping that his friend believed him.

"Kay, can I walk with you?" Garen asked.

Everything in Obi wan was screaming to decline but he couldn't say that to Garen, he wasn't mean like that to his friends. "Sure,"

They walked down the halls and finally after what felt like ages it was about time for class.

"See you at lunch!" Garen shouted and ran off to flying 101.

Obi sighed in relief and tried to cheer up a little so his friends would think everything was normal, but it was impossible. The repulsive, miserable feelings would just not disappear. The pitiable child walked into the classroom and sat at his desk waiting for the teacher. Instead his adversary had to walk in at this time that the boy was alone. Obi held his breath and wished that someone, anyone would walk in, but of course he was so inauspicious that it didn't happen.

Instead Bruck walked over to the desk across from Obi wan and glared evilly. "So how's Oafy today?" Oafy was Obi wan's nickname provided by Bruck.

"Can't you leave me alone for once? I don't feel like dealing with your bickering today." Obi sighed too tired to be angry and too emotionally shattered that he couldn't respond like he normally would.

"Awl…Is little Oafy wan tired? Maybe you should go to the nursery and take a nap like the child you really are. What's wrong too depressed to say anything? You're pathetic." Bruck pushed Obi wan over out of his chair.

Obi wan got up depressed and a little mad but was still too drained to really do much of anything. "Stop,"

"Stop...Why on Mustafar would I stop? Oh, I know why you're so upset…It's because of Qui gon isn't it." Obi wan flinched, and thank the force, the teacher walked in before Bruck could say anymore.

Though what Bruck said really bothered Obi wan he tried to pay attention to the class. 'Did everyone know about my Master and me? I thought we were the perfect Master/Padawan team in everyone's eyes? Is it my fault?' Obi couldn't help feeling sick to his stomach at these thoughts. Everyone might know about his failure. What if they were laughing behind his back? As the day went on the depressed Padawan got increasingly miserable and uneasy at the thoughts swimming in his head. The notions were like leeches sucking away his sanity as he tried, and failed, to find a life preserver. At lunch time he didn't feel that hungry and couldn't stand to let his unfortunate friends see him this way. The boy walked to the room of a thousand fountains and attempted to mediate.

'You are nothing…End it…Or are you that dull…but you are aren't you? You can't do anything right…Worthless, deprived, needy, feeble, disgraceful excuse for a 'Padawan'. What's wrong Oafy wan? Oafy wan, Oafy wan, Oafy wan…'

It felt like the voice was choking him he couldn't breath. He gasped for breath but was breathing so quickly, he couldn't slow down. Tears poured down his cheeks and after what felt like an eternity in this hell, he passed out and fell into the water of one of the many fountains.

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><p>Oh…Is Obi wan done for? Will Qui gon care?<p> 


	5. Hope owned

Obi wan awoke to the sound of footsteps and bright light. Was he in the med center? He opened his eyes blinking at the light then saw that someone was beside his bed. The boy looked in shook at his rival, of all the people he had to be here, why? Bruck glanced at Obi wan then turned away from him. Bruck found Obi wan sitting by the fountain and was about to go make fun of him when he passed out and fell into the water. The boy was completely shock that Obi had potentially committed suicide. Yes he liked making fun of him but he never wanted him to truly die, he just wanted him to suffer because he was so 'amazing for being chosen as Qui gon Jinn's padawan'. Bruck had pulled Obi wan out of the water and took him straight to the med center. He had told the medics that Obi wan passed out and fell into the fountain, it was probably due to not going to lunch which other students confirmed that Obi had not gone to.

Bruck wanted to help Obi wan back to him self, he didn't like that distant, haunted look in his eyes. He liked it when the ginger haired boy got mad and was fighting against him not surrendering. To be honest he didn't know what to do without the boy, who would he torture, who would be a fair fight against him? There was no one like Obi wan. Bruck at that moment decided to do something he would have never thought of before, just to keep Obi wan he was going to befriend him, but only till he was better.

"Hi, obi wan I want you to come with me." Bruck said calmly trying not to show too much emotion that this damn boy had bestowed on him.

"Why?" Obi wan asked a little afraid because he felt so powerless at the moment.

"Just come on, idiot. No more questions till we get there." Bruck seized Obi's hand and towed him to a lift.

The boys went to what looked like an attic area and the blue eyed kid started to get very scared. Why was Bruck taking him here? Was he going to kill him since I didn't die in the fountain? Bruck did a secret knock on the wall and it opened to revel a furtive room with Bruck's gang inside. Though what the teen didn't expect was when Bruck grabbed his arm and forced him into a plush chair, as he looked around he saw that the entire group was smoking what looked like spice (which is a major drug that gets you addicted easily and could kill you).

"Alright, boys this is our new member." Bruck said to the surprised looking gang.

"What?" They all said in alarm staring at their leader like he had suddenly turned into a Nerf.

"No complaining, Obi wan is under me so no funny business." Bruck said and toward to the astonished lad who looked at him like he had gone insane. "You are one of us now."

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Obi wan asked amazed.

"Nothing, I just want you in the group you would be a very valuable member. No questions and no getting out of this Obi." Bruck grinned and handed him some spice.

"I think you're a little mixed up, you hate me –

"I know but you're good for the group so stop complaining." Bruck sighed and shoved the spice into Obi wan's opened mouth. Sadly Obi wan breathed in some of the spice because he was about to talk and instantly wanted more. The boy took the spice from his superior and drunk up to smoke greedily. Obi wan was high in seconds and the gang cheered.

Obi wan felt so light like he was flying and he loved that sensation. The room was a little blurry but the soon to be 14 year old could careless. He felt so good, the pain a forgotten memory. He was in debt to Bruck for once and instantly liked him because of the spice. The boys started drinking shots of doubles and soon the whole room was passed out. Obi wan's last thoughts of consciousness were that he loved spice and shots a lot.

When the gang woke up Kenobi was in a panic he had slept too long his master would be so mad at him. Obi wan started to pace trying to clear his mind and figure out what to do when a hand fell onto his shoulder.

"Calm down your Master thinks you're with us having a sleepover in our room." Bruck smiled mischievously. "How do you think we get away with this?"

Obi wan sighed in relief and calmed his racing heart. Soon the gang was all awake and they all went to class together. 'To think that my Master could believe such an impossible lie like me going over to Bruck's he really doesn't know me at all.' The boy thought sadly and walked to his classes depressed. Near the end of the day he really wanted some spice to distract himself from his horrible life.

The 13 year old staggered to his room after having a little bit of spice form the gang and saw his Master mediating in the living room. The boy felt horrid by his Master, it seemed like he didn't even notice Obi wan was gone.

"Obi wan could you make dinner then I want to spar with you." His Master whispered still in mediation.

"Sure," Obi wan walked quickly to the kitchen and made a quick dinner. He really wanted to go to sleep.

After they ate the team walked to the sparring room and started excursing. They fought for a full hour and Qui gon was happy that the boy had made such progress but didn't show it.

"You have to watch your footing Padawan." Obi wan filched at the name but hid his hurt.

"Yes Master,"

"You have to practice harder in Form III or you will never have good defenses." Qui gon continued ignoring his Padawan.

"Yes Master,"

"Go to your room and mediate then tomorrow I want you to practice for two hours on your Form III."

"Yes Master," Obi wan walked back to his room hiding his tears of disappointment and mediated for a minute then went to bed.

Master Jinn walked back to his dorm in silence thinking about Tahl. He hoped to figure out what was wrong soon. As he came to his door Bruck came up to the Master.

"Could Obi wan go out with us tomorrow in the afternoon? We will be with my Master doing a little practice around the area and we will be sleeping over in my dorm. It's only for two days."

"Sure, I'll let Obi wan know." Qui gon smiled. He wanted his Padawan to still spend time with his friends and he did work the boy really hard. He deserved a break.

"Thanks, Master Jinn!" The boy ran down the hall.

Qui gon walked into his bedroom and went to bed happily, while in the next room Obi wan was having a not so pleasant sleep.

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><p>Please reveiw or I won't write. Vader demands it!<p> 


	6. Hope alive

Alright this is my last chapter on Hope unless i get at least 4 or more reveiws i will stop writing in this story. thank you.

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><p><em>You're useless, a fake, not a Jedi, loser… Good for nothing, no one wants you, die…Die…DIE! He hates you…No one would miss you… End it!<em>

Obi wan woke with a start the dream still very vivid in his mind. What if the voices were right? Obi wan squashed the thought and took out some spice that the guys had given him. Thank the force for spice! The boy didn't know how to survive without it; he didn't know how he had been.

Obi wan got out of bed and lit a little of the spice. After a few seconds he put away the rest and walked to the refresher for a shower. He didn't want his Master to smell it on him. Padawan Kenobi scrubbed himself clean and quickly got dressed. If he hurried he could meet the others in the attic room.

The boy peeked out into the living room and was happy to see that his Master was still asleep, thank the force. He tip toed out of the corridors, slipped down the hall, and up the stairs to the attic in no time at all. After doing the secret knock Bruck opened the door.

"Hay, I have some news for ya." Bruck smiled pulling him inside.

"Sure what's up?" Obi wan asked still high off of his earlier hit. Otherwise he would have been as depressing as usual.

"We are headed for the underground. Your Master said you could come with us so don't worry."

"So what are we going to do there?" Obi wan asked casually.

"You'll see," Bruck grinned and shouted that it was time to go.

The boys walked down the streets in normal clothing to conceal their identities from the civilians, they didn't want to get into trouble with the council. Obi wan felt great, like he actually was a part of something that wanted him for who he was. The thoughts of his Master were still in the back of his mind though. The boys walked quickly down to the Underbelly where gambling and drugs were common. Many different people and aliens roamed the streets. Obi wan looked at everything he could, he had never been there before and it was exciting.

Bruck stopped in front of what looked like a rundown bar. "This is it." He whispered in Obi's ear.

"What is this place?" Kenobi asked in awe and confusion.

"This is paradise for people like us." Bruck stated and opened the door to a new world.

Qui gon awoke ten minutes after Obi wan had left. At first the Jedi panicked a little for not feeling his padawan's presence but then remembered Bruck's request. Qui smiled to himself he was glad that Obi wan had friends the boy seemed so shy before. Qui gon made breakfast slowly enjoying the peace that felled the morning. After eating he started to go over holo data on the next mission that he would partake in two days.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. The Jedi Master set his Holo's down and opened the door to find Bant and Garen waiting for him.

"Hello you two," Qui smiled. "What can I do for you?"

"Is Obi wan here?" Bant asked cheerfully.

"No, he went with Bruck and his Master for the day." This made the two Padawan's look upset and confused. "Why?"

"Oh, we just wanted to play with him." Garen stated uneasily.

"What's wrong?" Qui asked curiously.

"Well…We didn't know Obi was friends with Bruck…Usually they hate each other…Well…Good day Master Jinn." Bant stammered and the two ran off.

Qui gon stood there completely confused.


End file.
